WELCOME 
Thursday, October 27, 2005
MICHELLE.
Monday, October 17, 2005A women desperately looking for work goes into a toyfactory. The Personnel Manager goes over her resume andexplains to her that he regrets he has nothing worthy ofher. The woman answers that she really needs work andwill take almost anything. The Personnel Manager hemsand haws and finally says he does have a low skill job onthe Tickle-Me-Elmo line and nothing else. The womanhappily accepts. He takes her down to the line andexplains her duties and that she should come in at8am the next day.
The next day at 8:45 there's a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.The Tickle-Me-Elmo line manager comes in and starts ranting aboutthe woman just hired. After screaming for 15 minutes about how badlybacked up the assembly line is, the Personnel Manager suggested he beshown the problem. Together they head down to the line and sure enoughElmos are backed up from here to kingdom come. Right at the end of theline is the woman just hired. She has pulled over a roll of the materialused for the Elmos and has a big bag of marbles. They both watch asshe cuts a little piece of fabric and takes 2 marbles and startssewing them between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager starts to killhimself laughing and finally after 20minutes of rolling around, he pullshimself together and walks overto the new employee and says...
"I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood meyesterday. What I wanted you to do wasgive Elmo two test tickles."
all text frm www.emusing.com*__.
MICHELLE.
Saturday, October 15, 20051.NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2.EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throwin $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want changeback.When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3.MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't needbut it's on sale.
4.BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shavingcream, razor,a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5.ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6.CATS
Women love cats.Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking,men kick cats.
7.FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8.SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9.MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but hedoesn't.A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10.DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, emptythe garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11.NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12.OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knowsabout dentist appointments and romances, best friends,favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13.THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes.There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.AND FINALLY.....A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?""Yep,"the wife replied, "in-laws."
all text frm www.emusing.com*___.
MICHELLE.
You won't believe some of these fun facts!
Coffee Break RomanceIt's reported that more than 10,000 marriagesa year now are directly traceable to romanceswhich begin during coffee breaks.
Engagement LengthsThe average engagement lasts 6 months.First LoveTwo out of five marry their first love.
Wearing a Wedding RingThe reason that the engagement ring and wedding bandis worn on the fourth finger of the left hand is becausethe ancient Egyptians thought that the "vein of love"ran from this finger directly to the heart.
Go Ahead and KissA team of medical experts in Virginia contends that you're more likelyto catch the common cold virus by shaking hands than by kissing.Having Sex?According to a survey, the second most popular reasonfor having sex is to produce a baby.Strange But TrueIn Pennsylvania, Ministers are forbidden from performingmarriages when either the bride or groom is drunk.Median Age for MarriageIn 1970, brides were on average 20.8 years old when they married,while grooms were 23.2. Americans are now marrying later in life.In the year 2000, brides were on average 25.1with their grooms averaging 26.8.
Morning KissingStudies indicate that a man who kisses his wife good-byewhen he leaves for work every morning averages a higherincome than those who don't. Husbands who exercise therituals of affection tend to be more painstaking, morestable, more methodical, thus, higher earners. Studies alsoshow that men who kiss their wives before leaving in themorning live 5 years longer than those who don't.
Oldest BrideMinnie Munro became the world's oldest bride when she marriedDudley Reid at the age of 102 on May 31, 1991. Reid, the groom,was 83 years old.Oldest GroomHarry Stevens was 103 when he married 84 year old Thelma Lucas atthe Caravilla Retirement Home in Wisconsin on December 3, 1984.Phone Proposals6% of men proposed to their girlfriends over the phone.
Romance NovelsRomance Novels are more popular thanever. 53% of all mass market paperbackbooks sold in this country are Romances.Romance novels earn more money in theUSA yearly than baseball! So, what'sthe national pastime?
Sex ManualsThe oldest sex manuals were published in China 5,000 years ago.The Longest EngagementSixty-seven years, according to the Guinness Book of World Records.The happy couple finally wed at age 82
text frm www.emusing.com*__.MICHELLE.
To the soccer game I go,When will I find time to sew?Meet the teacher, stop a fight,See the dentist, change a light,Help with homework, do the wash,Iron the clothes, put on the squash,Shop for groceries, cash a check,Fight the crowds, now I'm a wreck!
Dinner time it soon will be,"What's for dinner?" Wait and see!Dirty dishes fill the sink,Make some popcorn and a drink,Will they never go to bed,Will I never get ahead?Bring them water, get the light,Turn off the TV, lock up the bike,Where's my pillow, say your prayers,Did you lock the door downstairs?
At last in bed, my spouse and I,Too tired to talk, too weak to cry,And in the dark I hear him say...
"WHAT DO WOMEN DO ALL DAY?!?"
text frm www.emusing.com*__.MICHELLE.
MICHELLE.
Thursday, October 13, 2005MICHELLE.
Friday, October 07, 2005MICHELLE.
Saturday, October 01, 2005MICHELLE.